Siblings: Have to live with ‘em, don’t wanna
by Darkmoonphase
Summary: How do you satisfy your annoying little brother when A You're broke. B You're also trying to hide your secret relationship that he's always trying to sabotage. And C You can't get over that he almost got you exorcised yesterday? Ungrateful little...


**Title: Siblings: Have to live with 'em, don't wanna**

**Author: Darkmoonphase**

**Rated: T for a suggested make out scene and **_**a**_** swear word. **

**Pairings: Kyle and Stan. That's, like, it. **

**Summary: Kyle loves Ike, he really does. But the little boy is the most annoying thing to Kyle. Ike's birthday is tomorrow and Kyle's broke. What to do for an annoying, ungrateful, spoiled little brother…**

**Disclaimer: South Park and the characters thereof were created and written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. **

**Dedication: Hyperemo. The most annoying sister out there.**

XXX

"Whatchya doing? Whatchya doing? Whatchya doing? Whatchya doing? Whatchya doing? Whatchya doing?"

"Ike, you didn't even give me a chance to answer."

"Well, whatchya doing?"

"I'm learning how to speak Squirrel."

"…Really? Is it hard? How do you know the difference between a click and a squeak? Do they talk about nuts and seeds a lot? Ha-ha; nuts."

"I was kidding. I'm texting Stan."

"You're _boyfriend_?"

"He's not my boyfriend! He's my Super Best Friend! Get it right!"

"Whatever. What're you talking about?"

"None of your business. Get out, Ike." I'm so fucking tired of this. I like being an only child more.

"It is so my business! What's _he_ doing? Is he coming over? What did he have for lunch?"

It's silent while I contemplate that. Finally, I ask, "Why do you want to know what he ate?"

"I don't. I was just running out of things to ask," Ike replies with a shrug. "Answer the first two."

"I don't know what he's doing. _He's_ not coming over, _I'm _going over there," I inform him as I get another text. I should have known better than to answer him.

Ike grins and I build up my scream. "His parent's aren't home, are they? You're going to go make-out, aren't cha?"

Oh man. I knew I shouldn't have answered. I blush and scream, "GET OUT, IKE!!" I throw my phone down and chase him out of the room. When I've successfully closed and locked my door, I go back to my bed and start texting Stan again. I love Ike, I do. But seriously, he's the most annoying thing since rap. So yeah, really annoying.

Now I have to find a way to escape because Stan's waiting. I wonder if Ike told Mom his theory. Dude, I'll so be exorcised if Mom believes him. Stan texts me again. I fight back a shiver and read it.

_From: Stan_

_Where r u? Im bored!_

_Callback #:_

_7196536221_

_Received:_

_Fri, Nov 21_

_5:47pm_

I sigh and text back:

_To: Stan_

_I'm trying to escape_

Damn Ike. I just want to go spend time with Stan. I glance down at my phone as it vibrates again.

_From: Stan_

_Hurry. Plz._

_Callback #:_

_7196536221_

_Received:_

_Fri, Nov 21_

_5:50pm_

I let out a slight growl and snap my phone shut. I swing my legs over the side of my bed, grab my jacket and shove my phone into my pocket. I hurry to my door as I struggle to put on my jacket, unlock the door, open it and sprint down the hall and stairs. I'm putting my shoes on when Mom stops me.

"Where are you going?" she asks me, sounding a bit worried. Ike appears beside her, looking rather triumphant.

"To Kenny's," I lie, just in case. I'll need to call him on my way out and have him cover for me. Mom nods and turns to Ike who looks shocked now. His fault, not mine. I swing open the door and dash out, jogging down the street while going through my contacts to find Kenny's number. Finally, I find it and hit send.

"Hello?"

"Kenny?"

"Duh."

"Ike told my mom his boyfriend theory again."

"I wonder what he'd do if he found out he's right…"

"Kenny!"

He cackles hysterically. "Okay, I got it. Remember to call me and spill the yummy details, okay?"

I sigh irritably. "Okay. Thanks for the cover."

"It's what friends are for. But I do it because I like hearing about what happens during the meantime." He makes what sounds like a purring noise and I make a disgusted face even Cartman would be proud of.

"Yeah, whatever. See ya 'round." I don't wait for his response; I just close my phone and knock on Stan's door.

"Finally!" he cries as he opens the door. He grabs my wrist and drags me inside. "I thought I was going to die of boredom!"

XXX

Two hours later, I'm walking down the street happily. Wasting time with Stan is the best pastime. And now I have to face Ike. If he's not mad, he'll probably just annoy me like he was earlier. I sigh and open the door.

"Did you have fun? What did you do? Mom's not home. My birthday's tomorrow, 'member?"

"Yes; none of your business; okay; and of course I remember." _How could I forget?_ I think.

"So what are you getting me?"

"Like I'm going to tell you," I retort angrily. But the truth is, I don't know _what_ I'm going to get him. _I _don't have any money because Dad took it with some lame excuse about me having to pay rent until I go to college. So unless I can get Mom to give me some money, I _can't_ get him anything. And me make him something? Yeah, that's funny.

"I'm hungry. What should I eat? Can we order pizza? Mom left us money so we could order something. _Ky~le_! Stop ignoring me!"

"I'm not ignoring you – I'm thinking, dip-shit!"

"I'm not a dip-shit!"

"Shut-up!"

"…Are you going to order pizza?"

"_IKE_!!"

XXX

Mom didn't give me money. I even told her that I was going to get Ike something! She didn't believe me when I told her that Dad took my money either – she said I probably wasted it all. So now I have to make him something.

Because I can't draw to save my life, I get onto the computer and use clipart to make a card. When I'm done copying and pasting pictures, I start on the text. I'm still boiling from yesterday – one of his more annoying days – so this part's kind of hard. Eventually, I call up those dormant feelings of care for him and end up with this:

_Day after day, moment after moment; you're always pestering me._

_Still, like lost little puppies, we come back to enjoy the others' company._

_When was the last time I said, "I love you"?_

_Not recently, actually. But I do love and care about you._

_I just suck at expressing that stuff. Violence is showing you my care and love. _

_Annoying as you may be, you're still a really awesome little brother. _

_When you want to be, that is._

Damn. I should have stolen a dollar from Mom and bought him a cheap birthday card. This isn't Shakespeare, but it's all I have. I print the card, fix and fold it. And escape to my room before Dad yells at me to come downstairs.

XXX

8:00 PM

Ike gets a PS3– wtf?! – and some lame video games from my parents. He's absolutely ecstatic. And now I get to ruin his birthday with my lame birthday card. I hand him my card and avoid eye contact. He'll be furious soon; it's best just to avoid his eyes. When he's done reading it, Mom steals it and reads it.

"Oh! That's so sweet! I'm gunna cry now!"

Dad reads it.

"It's nice…Kyle really wrote it? Wow…"

And Ike says, "That's so lame. Why didn't you get me a CD or something?"

_That ungrateful little…_ "DAMN IT, IKE! I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT!"

"That's why it sucks so bad."

_FIN_

**Yeah…unless you're an only child, I bet u can really relate to this. **

**Happy birthday, hyper!**


End file.
